Fragment

(a short story)

The images flashed before my eyes. It was like a strobe light of memories seen through some drunken haze. Remnants of the past and future somehow fell together and painted a picture I never wanted to see. I awakened prostrate and began to drag my sweat-covered body off the sand. Something hurt. I didn't remember much. I could feel death creeping behind me in the darkness. Then I heard a scream. I saw myself a million miles away, or maybe ten feet. The sand rushed up to meet my face. Nothingness. Days, hours, seconds. I couldn't tell. The sun burning my neck awakened me. The rawness of the morning chaffed what was left of my broken spirit. I stood and watched my dreams roll in the sand as they fell in saline vessels from the corners of my eyes. I saw the sun. And then, like a choking dream it faded behind some black demon.

Her voice again, a silk thread against my ear. "The eclipse is tomorrow." Her dark hair shone in her soft grey eyes. I could almost see through her. But her words had broken me before and I felt no need to fight again. I knew tomorrow would feel the same, but I played again like we always do. Somehow, the air was electric, almost like love. Or maybe just rain. I held her, pretending I wanted to. I just needed it. Not her. I couldn't see her eyes anymore, a mask of smiles held them hostage. I wanted her to cry just once and somehow melt what served as a face into some semblance of reality. These dreams only served to upset me. Reality hit like a falling tower. I almost pushed her away, but the tide of false happiness overtook my drifting body yet again. She told me she loved me. She loved me, she thought she loved me, maybe she lied and said it. I didn't care. At that moment I was more alone than ever before. "I'll see you tomorrow," I told her with a falsetto smile. "You had better," she said, her synthetic emotions sickening me. She kissed me as I left but I didn't feel it. I had already been absorbed into the mist that had become this little glade. I smelled the rain as I walked to my car. The fog had condensed on it like a crystalline coach from some fantasy. There was still a footprint on the dash from a few weeks before. She. I had almost known her. But with the swiftness of a departing dove she was now gone. I held no ill will for her. It was her choice, her life. But in a way it was my life as well, a part I had freely given her. She wasn't spiteful, rather, a genuine sadness had overcome her. I had let her go.

The sun burning my back awakened me. I now saw the blood on my shirt. My blood? I discarded the shirt like the painful half-memory it was and stepped into the sea. The water stung as I soaked in the brine. It only served to make me dirtier. I no longer bled, if I had bled at all. Even now I could see the thunderheads rolling away atop the foam-crested waves. Had it been that short a time? Now blinded by the shadows and deafened by the silence, I hid in the light. Seeing only the wet road and water. Water. The light began to break around me. Darkness again, my ever present acquaintance. I could see...I could see the truth, I could see it all in this moment. Every locked door I'd ever seen came crashing open filling me with all I could ever need. The light, the light now blinded me from without, not within. In this moment all is well. I reach out to the truth and am welcomed home.